Having a break in my routine ushered me into a deep contemplation. A lot of time I became too busy to stop and consider, to contemplate the nature of my days, my daily activities.
Recently I've been thinking of going back home to settle down and take care of my family, or something like that. I also feel like I would like to travel more and see new happenings, or discover new perspectives. I love to learn new things. As of now, my days have always been filled with a project for a Christian club on campus, meeting people to have fellowship, shepherding others, and just being spent on various services in the church.
Busy, busy, busy. People, people, people.
Being Frank with the Lord
Yes, my life has been such. So this Spring break while I was traveling, I took some time to inwardly pray and look for the Lord's leading: Where should I be? What should I be doing? What's next?
I felt convicted. Maybe I didn't have enough burden to serve Him in a full-time way long-term. Maybe I didn't have the adequate heart to love mankind, unlike the Lord who burned with love for man. Maybe I'm a quitter. In my fellowship with Christians on Campus throughout the years, I learned that I could be frank, genuine, and honest with the Lord. So instead of fabricating strength, I had to tell the Lord that I was clueless, unclear, and anxious but that I still loved Him, I still trusted Him, and I still wanted His very best.
The Lord's Answer
It was in a car ride. I had been waiting on the Lord, holding on to Him, holding on to the fellowship I had had with my companions. I was reminded of a question that an older brother in the Lord mentioned to me recently, "Katherine, if you only have few years before you become more preoccupied, for instance, you get married and have children to care for, where would you see yourself in those few years?"
Contemplating that question, I realized that I knew exactly where I would like to be found doing. I wanted to be found serving the Lord with my whole heart, with my whole strength, and with my whole time. I realized that it was not a sacrifice to serve Him in this way, it was a privilege and an opportunity to be grasped. As time is slipping away, who knows what's going to happen in the future, I would like to grasp the opportunity to waste myself upon Him right now.
At this moment, my inner being begins to sing:
I've never been sorry to turn to the Lord.
I've never been sorry to give up my life.
I've never been sorry to give my whole life to the Lord.
I've never been sorry to follow the Lord.