God's Perfect Will
It's early October but in about two months, I'll be flying back to the other side of the globe. Over there I'll probably have limited access to the Internet. I just bought my ticket this afternoon. Honestly, I got butterflies in my stomach, thinking of some possibility of me not being able to go back to Texas. It's a small possibility but I don't do well with surprises. So please keep me in your prayers. My hope is to come back.
This is not the first time. I've had similar experiences in the past, not knowing what will happen to me next. So I'm learning just to trust in the Lord, trusting that His heart is always good toward us. Thus far, I have the full assurance that where I am now is where the Lord has arranged for me to be. I'm most grateful because until today, the Lord has not let me veer off from the journey that He has specifically designed for me to take.
When I was younger, I had lots of dreams. I wanted to be an architect, an entrepreneur, an actuary, a CFO, a teacher, a theorist, a walking encyclopedia, etc. I traveled to many places to discover new things, learn new languages, experience new cultures, eat new cuisines, and on and on. Nevertheless, deep in my heart, I know that my satisfaction is anchored in only one thing, the Lord's perfect will.
You know, sometimes you want something really bad so you pray a lot to get what you want. Then after some time, it seems like the Lord is actually giving you that thing. The question is, was that truly His perfect will or was it merely His permissive will? It's like how loving parents would treat their children. The parents know what's best, but often the children are so adamantly demanding that the parents would simply give them the permissive will with the knowledge that it may not be the best thing for the children.
So my desperate prayer is that I'll be kept in the Lord's perfect will. Everything else is sub-par to His perfect will. I want nothing less than what He can be, give, do best. I have no trust in my own preferences. I choose to stay within His untainted, perfect will lest I'd always fall short from living life to the fullest.