Learning a Lesson
Naturally I prefer a tranquil situation, an isolated position where I only have to make myself comfortable in the Lord. No frills and no complications. But this is not the journey God has ordained for me to live on. God's mercy indeed for me to not remain the same and idle. I recently traveled back home and was met with many dramatic happenings.
A relative of mine is going through a very difficult and sensitive circumstance, thus I can't elaborate. But such personal affair becomes quite center stage in some aspects of the church life where he and his family live. It's a profound episode in his life. Maybe humanly only he himself knows the dimensions of the catastrophe. All of our relatives empathize but no one can truly sympathize.
We were brought up as Christians who would uphold the preciousness of the church, the Lord's Body. My relatives are not perfect people (they can get angry too) but they go through the matter in much fellowship and prayers for the sake of the church and to help the inflicted parties to somehow get on the right path, healing and repentance.
Within me, however, I have two clear sensations. First, may the Lord have mercy on us that we may never become the main feature of any kind of taking sides, or divisions, and that we will not be prompted to further polarize God's people. I told myself and some of my closest relatives, "Let us fear God and guard ourselves against dishonoring the Head in any way."
Second, may the Lord strengthen us to receive His shepherding in forgiving those who have offended us and in repenting because we have been offended. A good Christian person copes with hurt feelings and doesn't avenge for he knows revenge belongs to God, but it's not good enough to be just good. The Lord permits sufferings so that we can gain God in the process.
I told my relative whom I considered as my own brother, "I know it takes time and it's difficult but we must pass this test by forgiveness." He said, "I have let it pass but to forgive is painful." "Don't skip forgiveness. We have to be desperate before the Lord until we get released. This is true healing," I insisted.
When I persisted on speaking such hard word to a wounded soul, a thought flashed by, "Katherine, why are you so harsh? Why don't you go easy on him?" But I'm reminded that throughout the years God has so loved us, He so loves my family and relatives who have been in the church for generations. Once He measures a portion of learning and gaining to us, He will get that done regardless of how many times we fail to return the served ball. It's a lesson that will only get more advanced, the only way we can pass is to be desperate to come forward to the throne of grace, to come forward to God. In this way, we can get more of Himself as He speaks to us, as He shines on us, as He supplies us, as He loves us.
I hope one day my companions will not hold back speaking these words to me when I'm in my lowest state. Someone told me, "It's easier said than done because you're not the one who got hurt." That is absolutely correct. I'm not better than anyone else. When something painful comes my way, I will probably react exactly the same. But when that suffering moment comes, I hope someone, with a genuine and prayerful heart, will remind me of what the Lord mainly desires of me. In all things, His unique work is to work Himself into us, a little bit more.