God is our regulation and balance.
This past week, I had been feeling uneasy about a certain matter. The pressing sense of saving someone from falling off the cliff. Have you had such feeling before? Maybe it is a more common sensation among close family members. But eventually, because we are all members of the household of God, we are bound to have a deeper and more personal concern for those who are spiritually, closely related to us.
When I was younger, I would always be led by feelings. They were of good intentions, so why not follow them? However, as I was trying to carry through my initial good intentions, I soon realized that I would end up being either too much or too little. In the end, whatever I did left a bad aftertaste: something like a concoction of regrets and disappointments, here and there wishing I would do things differently.
Today I finished reading The Bridge and Channel of God by Witness Lee. I read the chapter on God being the center of our human life. The chapter begins by showing how independence from God is a sin. The first sin in the Bible is actually an act of doing something apart from God. This is why we need to have a personal and intimate relationship with God and moreover, be regulated by God.
"A regulated life is like a musical piece that is pleasing to the ear; it is graceful and harmonious. God is man's regulation."
Another example is the fact that every normal person has a temper. However, if we allow our temper to pass through God, our temper will be within measure. This is all not by our own efforts but by turning to God Himself. When we take God as our glorious center, somehow our living will be balanced by Him.
Now back to my week. The uneasiness that I experienced throughout the week, I believe, was symptomatic of falling into an extreme. How did I know? It's because my soul burned with zeal but the sense of life and peace was only faintly present. Okay, let's pause right here. If you think I'm dissecting this matter too much and you start dissecting your own situation by being introspective, you may stop reading this post because that's not the point. I'm unraveling my experience simply to show you how learning to take God as my center has balanced me.
So all week long, I tried to seek for some fellowship so someone could point out and stop my extremity. Those fellowship times were indeed wonderful and helpful. I even received a comforting word, "Katherine, it's okay. It's okay to be too much in your care and concern for someone because God will balance you." Yet my heart still was unrestful.
At the end of the week, as I was sitting in a church meeting, I was reminded by the Lord that He is God. He is the God who desires to be my glorious center, regulation, and balance. So right then I simply utter, "Lord, balance me." Soon after, the knot in my heart disappeared.
Has the concern disappeared? No. Has my feeling changed? No. Is the situation resolved? No. But God has passed through something in my living. Actually He has passed through me. He has passed through to become more of my center today. I'm still learning to take Him as the center of my human life.
Lord, be my center. Regulate me, balance me.
Lord, be my living today.